Dudeman of the week - Vince Osborne

A few years ago, I got a call from Vince Osbourne.

Vince - Do you want to do this 36-hour adventure race?

Toby - OK.

Vince - Anything else you need to know?

Toby - I don't think so.  Oh wait, I guess I need to know when it is.

And we went from there.  

In that race, the harder it got, the more tired I was, the faster he seemed to go.  This guy saw briars and bogs and he put the gas pedal through the floor!  We've been chasing each other around the mountains on most weekends since.

Last weekend, Vince - whose age now starts with a 4 and with a baby on the way - is up front breaking trail, holding his own in a pull-up contest, and sending it down big pillow lines.

Photo: Yannick Letailleur

Full dudeman, Vince Osborne, full dudeman.

The Yaar! traverse

Earlier this month, Andy Traslin got some play for climbing both Yak and Nak mountains in the Coquihalla ski area in a day.  We see your Yak - Nak and raise you a Thar.

A few days ago, we considered doing the Nar (Nak - Thar) traverse, but once up there, we wanted to see it from the other side before we skied it.  So yesterday, Ricky and I set out to do laps on Thar to check it out.  This is what we ended up doing

No GPS.  Just great drawing with a mouse.

the Yaaar traverse, or Thar - Nak - Yar.  

There was already a skintrack in between Thar and Nak, but it eventually broke left and contoured around Nak.  We used it to start up Thar and then traversed around the bowl.  

From the back of the bowl.  Nak front right, Yak behind.

After skiing Thar, we returned to the track and took it all the way up Nak.  

Ricky scopes it out.  Nak and Yak from the top of Thar.

The weather wasn't great on top of Nak and there's awesome glades to ski below, so we did a run all the way down off it.  

As we climbed back out, vis improved and we decided to give Yak a shot as well.

The last pitch of Yak.

The climb up Yak is somewhat exposed, but less so if you go all the way to the saddle between Nak and Yak in the trees and then traverse across the face.  That's what we did.  The last 150 m. are steep, but yesterday, snow conditions were good.  That made for fairly straightforward climbing to the summit and great skiing right from the top.

Ricky, from the summit of Yak.

If you're just in it to bag the peaks, you could do it much more efficiently.  But there's great skiing on all three, so it's worth taking a few runs down along the way.

Hey Snowshoes! Step off my track, bro.

Last weekend,  we climbed up Nak at the Coquihalla to ski it.  A few times.  There were also some snowshoers there.  They apparently didn't want to break a trail.  So they used ours, and wrecked it.  So we made another one on the second lap.  Then they came down, used our new one, and wrecked it too.

Besides for safety, there aren't a lot of 'rules' in the backcountry and that's for the better.  I don't like people telling me what to do either.  But that doesn't mean there shouldn't be any etiquette.

The quintessential nature of the backcountry is of self-reliance.  When you go into the backcountry, you should be prepared to take care of yourself, fend for yourself.  That means, be prepared to rescue yourself, get stuck out there by yourself, and to blaze trail for yourself.  Not prepared to do that?  Go somewhere else.  There are resorts, lodges, guides, and trails that cater to exactly those folks.

These were those folks - for all intents and purposes, lost without the skintrack and not going very far if they had to do it for themselves anyway.

Now, I realize that someone else's trail is often the path of least resistance and, if it's there, I use it too.  But skintracks and snowshoeing trails are two different animals - one is for skiing; one is for walking.  I'm not going to ski all over your trail, and you shouldn't walk all over my track.  I also won't cut any overhead slopes on you or spray you in the face with blower pow.  Deal?

There's plenty of room in the backcountry to go around.

Dudeman, where's my car?

Vancouver won a prestigious award this week:

#2 in traffic!

The obvious solution is the triplet the Port Mann.

Or, people should just live closer to where they work.  If you work in Vancouver, live there.  If you live in Abbotsford and you're going to get in your car at 6 AM, it better be to the Coquihalla.  There is never a traffic jam heading east.  Ever.

The dudeman doesn't commute.  Rule number 8, or whatever rule we're on.

But the dudeman does need a car.  He's going places, just not to work.

I present three fully capable options.

The Classic Tercel wagon

Conquering the Mt. Cheam fire road.

It's four-wheel drive, it's got loads of space, and it's cheap.  This car will tackle anything, at speeds up to 80 km per hour.

The hail-damaged insurance write-off

It's ruined.

This can be any car, per se.  The important thing is that, although there's nothing actually wrong with it, it has no value.  Hence, there can be no further objections to racking up tons of miles and taking it places you probably shouldn't.

This Pathfinder

Dudeman makes a compelling case, which requires no further elaboration.  Unless you're this guy, he's not going to sell it to you.

When will flipflops be 'in-season' again?

My flipflops are slowly biting the dust.

This is their third duct-taping.  Initially, I didn't have time to go out and get new ones - I was on my way to Rossland for the Dudeman Games - and now it's apparently too late.  I don't think it should be too late.  

I wear flipflops year-round.  I don't think you have a very good life if you don't.

What's in the bag?

I fielded two questions recently which prompt this post.

1.  What luxury items do you take hiking?

2.  What's the #1 accessory I should get for my bike?

The answers...

1. and 2. None.

That's not to say you shouldn't take anything with you - you should take what you need.  If you take more than that, you're just weighing yourself down and you'll have less fun.  

This morning, I went for a run along the river pathway in town.  Being a Sunday morning, there are tons of 'serious' runners out on their long runs, and they are typically loaded down.  They have hats.  They have sunglasses.  They have ipods.  They have belts holstering half a dozen tiny waterbottles.  They almost always start overdressed, so they are also carrying jackets and gloves, etc... they have taken off.  Sometimes, they have gels taped to themselves.  They are on a path in the middle of the day and they are covered in reflective taping.  They mostly look miserable, as if they are engaged in some chore.  (Guess what?  No one, and I mean no one, needs to run.  And, for that matter, almost no one is going to accomplish anything running either...  that's a topic for another day.)

I've run around the reservoir from my house, which is about 38 km, a few times with half a (regular) waterbottle.  So I think that's what you need.

When I go into the mountains, and there is any potential to spend a night out (lost, injured, or with complete equipment failure), I think I should be prepared for that and so I take this:

(You should also bring a buddy.)

Granted, a night out with a space blanket, a lighter, and little food would be uncomfortable, but I would certainly survive (and I'm willing to prove it).  I would rather be uncomfortable in the unlikely circumstance of spending a night out than the rest of the time, saddled with a bunch of extra stuff.

I also take tools and materials to fix a flat and a chain, and make minor adjustments, if I ride my bike.  Those are likely circumstances (I got 8 flats in one day last month) and you should be prepared for those too.  I'd rather spend 5 minutes fixing something and carry a few extra ounces than spend a few hours hike-a-biking a few times a year.

Obviously, your individual preferences may vary, but for the most part, I just don't think most people are even thinking about what they actually need.

Would the real DudeMan please stand up?

I'll never forget the moments after team "the full dudemen" won the RedBull Divide and Conquer. All the racers were hanging out at the RedBull tent and over the megaphone we heard 'would the full dude man please come up to the stage'.  This was a call for our team to come to the stage; however, there was like 5 or 6 other guys who also walked up to the stage.  They of course were thinking, 'Hey, I'm a full dude man'. So this brings up the question who and what makes a dude man a dude man? I'll try and fill you in with 8 simple rules and attitudes that can make you a dude man.

1-Dude Man is the master of all, and jack of none.  This comes from the phrase 'jack of all trades, master of none'. So basically dude man is just good at everything he touches.  He is oozing with talent in everything he does. He can try wind surfing on a whim and just slay it.  Dude man is kinda like Chuck Norris.

2- Dude Man don't care.  Dude Man is like the honey badger:

He just don't care.  It's pissing rain? Dude Man don't care.  We have to sleep in car?  Dude Man don't care.  

Dude Man sleeps with sunglasses on.

You wanna drive 8 hours both ways to do a 4 hour bike ride?  Dude Man don't care.  You wanna have cereal for dinner? Dude Man don't care. You shovel chicken shit for a living?  Dude Man don't care.  You haven't had a shower in 2 weeks? Dude Man don't care.

3-Dude Man is on a full-dairy, full-meat, full-gluten diet.  

Clean your plate, son.

He does't show up at a dinner party and say 'Oh, I'm vegan and I won't eat that rare bloody steak.  Oh, does that beer have gluten in it?  I can't drink that.  Ice cream gives me gas.'  Dude man!  If ice cream gives you gas, that's sweet.  Your own brand is not so bad.  Dude Man just eats everything and doesn't complain about it.

4-Dude Man gets shit done.  It might not always be pretty, but it always gets done.   Dude Man is persistent.  

When there is a tree across the road, you just build a new road around it.    

New road.

You break your chain?  You have a chain tool and you know how to use it.   Skins not sticking?  You duct-tape them on.  Dude Man can suck it up.

You need to go from Liptovsky to Prague in a compact when a few dudes, a few boats, and a bike?  No problem.

5-Dude Man does not play games. That means no sucking up to the fire chief to get that napping and bbq job. No whoring yourself out to the industry to get a free set of tires.  Dude Man tells it like it is and bends over at the cash register if need be.  However, Dude Man does everything in his power to avoid paying retail.

6-Dude Man is not a punter.  When it's 4th down, Dude Man sends out Peyton Manning and goes long. He doesn't send out the kicker and just give the ball away.  When there is a river-wide hole the size of China,  Dude Man boofs it like a champ and maybe gets pitted, so pitted.  

Or if there is a sick booter into a blower pillow line, Dude Man just goes for the back flip and maybe ends up doing a lawn dart.   Or he sticks it.  It's all cool dawg.

Full lawn dart.

7-Dude Man doesn't always race, but when he does, he races to win.  Half-ass is not in Dude Man's vocabulary.  It's full win-or-hospital.  Either you don't care to compare yourself to other people, or you're going to crush their balls.  

Dylan Wolsky, of The Nomads, leaving it all on the trail.

8-Dude man is not a dick swinger.  A dick swinger is someone who has something that's not really needed but you want to show others how big your dick really is.  Like they guy driving his lifted Dodge Cummins diesel truck down Robson Street with 2 sleds in the back.  He revs his engine saying check out my dick, its huge! Or the guy who lives in a 6000 sq ft house with a 4-car garage.  Maybe he needs the 4th garage to make his house into a massive dick?  Dude Man doesn't need to swing his dick.  When it comes down to it, we are all really just mid-pack in the rat race, and there is no need to swing your dick around, except as a joke.

Are you a full dude man?